Substance abuse can be very challenging because it affects not just the individual but their friends and family. Those who are going through recovery have an opportunity to acknowledge wrongdoings that may have been their fault and to make amends. In this blog, we’ll discuss what making amends in recovery looks like and how it can help.
What Does it Mean to Make Amends in Recovery?
Making amends in recovery means correcting mistakes that you have made or taking steps to fix a bad situation you have caused.
With substance abuse, it’s up to you as the individual to make a list of the people to whom you have caused harm and then to make direct amends where possible. Sometimes making amends means making lifestyle changes and breaking negative or hurtful patterns. When you reach out to someone you have wronged you can share this information, letting them know what it is that you are trying to do from now on and asking them to hold you accountable to those decisions.
Why is Making Amends in Recovery Necessary?
Part of the Twelve Step program includes making amends. It is considered necessary to rebuild trust in a relationship.
With substance abuse, trust is often one of the first things broken in a relationship. Cravings or bad decisions because of addiction can damage relationships, which cannot be fixed until you take action to amend it.
For example:
Elizabeth struggled with addiction while she lived with her parents in her 20s. During that time, she did several things that broke the trust she had built with her mother. This included:
- Frequently lying
- Stealing
- Being unreliable
Elizabeth would break her mother’s furniture while she was high and swear to fix it but never did. She would steal from her mother in order to pay for more drugs and lie about doing it. She would take her mother’s car without asking and lie about taking the car or lie about where she went. She would claim to have gotten a job but then go get high instead and lie about it. This made her unreliable, and it damaged the relationship for several reasons, not least of which was that Elizabeth’s mother could not trust her daughter.
Her mother loved Elizabeth, but when Elizabeth said she would do something or claimed she wasn’t responsible for something, her mother never believed her.
What Does Making Amends in Recovery Look Like?
Making amends starts with an acknowledgment. It sounds simple, but it can be the hardest part, emotionally.
Consider the example of Elizabeth above. Elizabeth might go through detox and subsequent therapy, but her relationship with her mother will always be problematic with broken trust until Elizabeth is able to admit that she did the things that she did, including frequently lying, stealing, and being unreliable.
However, in order for Elizabeth to make amends with her mother and admit that there was wrongdoing, Elizabeth has to admit it to herself, and this can be the most challenging part.
Why?
People who have struggled with addiction are often not proud of the things that they did while under the influence, and acknowledging the things that were done and the damage that those actions created can leave individuals feeling profound guilt, shame, and other negative emotions.
With the right type of treatment, you can learn how to admit these things and then to move forward making amends.
What is the next step? Apologizing might be what you have to do, and from there, you might ask what you can do to make up for the past.
In Elizabeth’s case, she doesn’t have to know what will make amends with her mother. She just has to ask. Her mother might say that apologizing and acknowledging wrongdoing was a great start, but she also needs Elizabeth to make constructive changes.
Starting Your Recovery with Sequoia Recovery Centers
If you struggle with substance abuse, you might not be in a place to make amends just yet. Thankfully, no matter where you are in recovery, you can find ways to move forward. It is never too late to apologize for wrongdoing or to try to make amends in recovery.
The other person doesn’t necessarily have to accept what you say or believe you for it to be a positive step forward. At Sequoia Recovery Centers, our team can help you work through the list of people who you may have hurt while struggling with addiction and develop the right behaviors and actions necessary to make amends. Doing so can help you better understand how far you have come and the type of person that you were meant to be.
We offer a range of substance abuse treatment services including medical detox, inpatient, and outpatient programs. Let our team help you start making amends in recovery. Call Sequoia Recovery Centers today.